Deep Within
I know I have not been updating much, a few friends and my avid blog readers been asking the same. Sometimes there are so much to be said, but I have been reminded not to ‘publish’ it to the world coz I might touch some sensitive hearts out there. And these are the people who matters a lot to me.
Tonight, as I sat here in my room, after a long night , I feel smaller than before, I felt an odd sense of familiarity ~ right about two years ago when I was living in isolation and the wounds bit so hard. Every time and again, the tale from long ago revisits and I am wrapped up in this moody fog. I can’t express my feelings because I do not want anyone to see me in a state and I do not know what state I should be in. I know that this is a burden I’ll carry for the rest of my life and long ago I’ve let it go by forgiving myself. I’ve told myself that my life is my own and the mistakes made were to make sure I never had to repeat the same mistake.
I sat in my my room this evening and remember why I defended the life of my relationship with “him”. I am a very happy person when I am with him because he is so easy to be with, he does not demand for me to show my feelings and that was honestly what I find refreshing. He allows me to slip into any mood and takes on me readily with a smile. If that wasn’t a blessing, I don’t know what is. Have I grown to love him for how easygoing he is and little does he know that I am never the light-hearted girl he fell for in the first place! Deep within me is a place only for me, just as I am sure there is one within him. My life is my own, my friends and family are the best things in the world to me, I am so lucky.
How long did it take me to remember this? Jumpstart with a clean and clear engine now.
Erm…
I’ve been thinking for several minutes, but I dont remember those moments.
Maybe it was due to how I ‘forced’ myself to forget those wonderful moments during our relation, but again. Maybe it’s just a stupid excuse because I tend to forget everything easily, which is a reason why it has to end.
Ah well, I’m glad you have a fresh brain.
Forgive and forget~
Comment by Seizhin — February 14, 2008 @ 2:36 pm