Many at times, I have openly communicated my thoughts and feelings with no holds barred, adopting a dual mission as my personalities entrailed, one that nurtured my conviction for working on something that inevitably will contribute to the greater good, the other to allow love to find me and let grow, marry the man of my dreams, have a few kids and be disgustingly happy for the rest of our lives.
That was before I decided I have a life to live before all that happens. Do people regard marriage as a means to an end? Why do so many married couples slip into the mundane monotone of domestic partnership, when there’s so much more to life than that? Why do some people leave it till they are 30-ish, established in their career and emotionally capable of handling marriage? Whilst some rush into it at the first sign of a potential lover? I’ve been accused of possessing an insatiable lust for life that is almost criminal; my innate need to be happy being fluctuational. Some say, they’d rather be consistently satisfied.
Appallingly, the world as it is today both excites and wears me down. I’ve long forgotten what it’s like to sit down for coffee and openly discuss a topic (e.g., relationship) with someone without the fear of letting on too much that might damage me in return. Has it been a maturing process?
Despite my best efforts of trying to be original without being sorry, I’ve grown to be, not smarter nor more intelligent, but definitely more streetwise.
It’s so strange as I remember many years ago, what it would be like to sit on this throne, the stamp "I’m living my dreams now"? Even more strange is how you seem to reach that stage now and you’re immediately onto the next thing, what would it be like five years from now? As the man I date seem to be getting older, I realize that the older you get, the harder it is to meet someone without excess baggage. Having survived a toxic relationship from a man who is constantly lying and living in denial, I’m surprised that I can still find that genuine person, who loves me deeply, and being truthful in every way.
