MiSsMyNx

Being in such a hard impasse for the past 1.5 days was exhausting, not only to my brain, but physically and emotionally. I had always asked my self, why is life so complicated? Are “we” the one who complicate things when it can be simplified? Why do we make our brain think so much, when ignorance is bliss?
I have been going through a silent retreat, not just temporary but daily. When you are by yourself, when you speak and the walls speak back at you, you think of things that you have never really thought about when you are amongst people, things that really matter to you. I did a lot of thinking and I am in the end of the soul searching- well, at least for now.

It’s been the longest winter without you
I didnt know where to turn to
See somehow I cant forget you
After all that we’ve been through

go in, come in
thought i heard a knock
who’s there? no one
thinking that i deserved it
now i realize that i really didnt know
you didnt notice, you mean everything
quickly im learning, to love again
all i know is, imma be ok

thought i couldnt live without you
its gonna hurt when it heals to
it’ll all get better in time
eventhough i really love you
im gonna smile cause i deserve to
it’ll all get better in time

how could i turn on the tv
without something there to remind me
was it all that easy
to just put aside your feelings

if im dreaming
dont wanna let, hurt my feelings

but thats the path, i believe in
and i know that, time will heal it
you didnt notice, you mean everything
quickly im learning, to love again
all i know is, imma be ok

thought i couldnt live without you
its gonna hurt when it heals to
it’ll all get better in time
eventhough i really love you
im gonna smile cause i deserve to
it’ll all get better in time

since theres no more you and me
its time i let you go so i can be free
and live my life how it should be
no matter how hard it is ill be fine without you
yes i will

thought i couldnt live without you
its gonna hurt when it heals to
it’ll all get better in time
eventhough i really love you
im gonna smile cause i deserve to
it’ll all get better in time

Dear MM,

I needed to write you this email because I want you to know I supported you all the way, whatever you do, you have me. Because no one understand you more than I do.

Finally you left the relationship. You knew you deserve better than just some fraction of what you wanted. As you said, the attachment to your ex lingers. It lingers because you never succeeded in making him fulfill your needs completely. You said it feels as if you failed. You feel that somehow not getting what you wanted was your fault.
If you were only good enough your ex would give you the love you wanted, all of the time. After all, he did give it to you some of the time. It’s not your fault and you are not the one to be blame. If he chooses to behave like a child, let him. You’ve done your part, and your best to salvage the friendship. Most people would feel very angry, and justifiably so. But, anger is a way to stay connected to someone, albeit not a positive way. Anger is one reason he may have difficulty letting go of this relationship. You mentioned you would give him the time and stand by him. But please don’t allow him to hurt you ~ emotionally. It’s not your fault. You have a great life ahead, great career and many friends who love you to death! You are much happier and contented the last time I saw you. And I love seeing this part of you which glow. You will always have me. I’ll stand by you.

XOXO.

I needed that change. I needed to reach out. Sometimes, you just have to rise up and not think about things too intensely. Don’t think about the bad, cry when you want to cry, laugh when you want to laugh, don’t try to be strong, and don’t try to break down. Just let go. I find that really that if you let go, the emotions you are trying to control don’t tend to bother you as much. Because you aren’t letting them be a part of your life. Just rise up. There’s always a better place outside

Awwr…..Feels so good to say it!!

The most difficult part about relationships is speaking the truth in love when needed most to the one we love most.

We often fear to speak the truth in love to the one we love most because we fear losing that person and our relationship with them. Yet, the very fact we are willing to risk the relationship should affirm to them how much we trully love them.

If the relationship is based on lies, can you also lie about loving him/her?

How much lies can you hear? bear? to what certain extend?

Does lying solve the problem of protecting her from the truth?  Are you assuming wht she was thinking- and that you choose to lie?

Have you ever think that your burden and past experiences makes her wanting to be more aware and careful? As you were/are the biggest liar and you never change…..

Sometimes negative words from a friend can hurt. They can cut through the heart like a knife. Words that weren’t intended to be taking out of context sometimes do and when this happens we seek revenge and try to hurt that person also..You know, the tongue is mightier than the sword. Kind words can build up a person, make there day and raise esteem. Harsh words can create wrath in an instant.

A friend once said something to me that I took the wrong way. It was a remark just out of conversation that left me feeling inadequate and insignificant; it destroyed my self esteem. I felt the need to retaliate against him and get revenge by saying something to him that I hoped would make him feel two feet tall.

Looking back, it was well over a year before I talked to my friend again. I avoided him. Holding this grudge this long, every day was a victory for me because of the pain he caused me by his remark— I would not give in. Was I over reacted, I guess, I don’t believe in letting anyone putting me down that way.

Yesterday, he sent me a text, and the “grudge” was over in an instant. I was relieved and the world seemed a little lighter.
Holding a grudge was never easy for me. I never thought I could. I realized how overwhelmingly guilty I felt when I am missing the little tidbits of humor we used to shared.

I wanna let him know now that I have forgiven him. And I am feeling sorry as I remember the guilt I felt as I tried to expire him from my life….

There is life after break up - a very good life. Stay optimistic and be good to yourself!

You can let go. You can move on