MiSsMyNx

**Post dated entry** 

Woo hoo..it’s Friday. All I wanna do this weekend is to lie on my bed and do nothing! But that’s not possible, not this weekend. Mom would kill me if I didnt pamper her this Mother’s Day!

Been partying quite alot lately, havent have the time to post up any pictures. *Do check out my FB*

A friend asked me, why is he still not returning your stuff after the break up? Isnt that childish? Well, all I gotta say is, I forgave him. I am no longer pissed, and come on, I can just buy them all back To me, I believe that" I am not your problem to solve. You are not my problem either." So what IS the PROBLEM?

Can it be that love is simply a decision one makes and the out come of that relationship depends on if one simply chooses to stick to that decision or not? Gosh, that makes it all very boring doesn’t it? What about all the ‘romance’ and the ‘feelings’ and stuff? What about that?

And…

 If everyone’s life has a general story line which involves all the good guys and the bad guys and everyone in between; that story line in full by the time they reach the age of six or so … What?!?!?! What are we doing here then?
 
Why? Why would we even bother?

I just WISH that Santa would come and bring me my “happily ever after” or Grimmy (the grim reaper) would come and do his ‘stuff’.

I have been very happy lately, feeling content (yes, i finally know the tru meaning of content!!) And you guys- you know who you are. I love you people heaps!!

Dear MM,

I needed to write you this email because I want you to know I supported you all the way, whatever you do, you have me. Because no one understand you more than I do.

Finally you left the relationship. You knew you deserve better than just some fraction of what you wanted. As you said, the attachment to your ex lingers. It lingers because you never succeeded in making him fulfill your needs completely. You said it feels as if you failed. You feel that somehow not getting what you wanted was your fault.
If you were only good enough your ex would give you the love you wanted, all of the time. After all, he did give it to you some of the time. It’s not your fault and you are not the one to be blame. If he chooses to behave like a child, let him. You’ve done your part, and your best to salvage the friendship. Most people would feel very angry, and justifiably so. But, anger is a way to stay connected to someone, albeit not a positive way. Anger is one reason he may have difficulty letting go of this relationship. You mentioned you would give him the time and stand by him. But please don’t allow him to hurt you ~ emotionally. It’s not your fault. You have a great life ahead, great career and many friends who love you to death! You are much happier and contented the last time I saw you. And I love seeing this part of you which glow. You will always have me. I’ll stand by you.

XOXO.

I know I have not been updating much, a few friends and my avid blog readers been asking the same. Sometimes there are so much to be said, but I have been reminded not to ‘publish’ it to the world coz I might touch some sensitive hearts out there. And these are the people who matters a lot to me.

Tonight, as I sat here in my room, after a long night , I feel smaller than before, I felt an odd sense of familiarity ~ right about two years ago when I was living in isolation and the wounds bit so hard. Every time and again, the tale from long ago revisits and I am wrapped up in this moody fog. I can’t express my feelings because I do not want anyone to see me in a state and I do not know what state I should be in. I know that this is a burden I’ll carry for the rest of my life and long ago I’ve let it go by forgiving myself. I’ve told myself that my life is my own and the mistakes made were to make sure I never had to repeat the same mistake.

I sat in my my room this evening and remember why I defended the life of my relationship with “him”. I am a very happy person when I am with him because he is so easy to be with, he does not demand for me to show my feelings and that was honestly what I find refreshing. He allows me to slip into any mood and takes on me readily with a smile. If that wasn’t a blessing, I don’t know what is. Have I grown to love him for how easygoing he is and little does he know that I am never the light-hearted girl he fell for in the first place! Deep within me is a place only for me, just as I am sure there is one within him. My life is my own, my friends and family are the best things in the world to me, I am so lucky.

How long did it take me to remember this? Jumpstart with a clean and clear engine now.

The most difficult part about relationships is speaking the truth in love when needed most to the one we love most.

We often fear to speak the truth in love to the one we love most because we fear losing that person and our relationship with them. Yet, the very fact we are willing to risk the relationship should affirm to them how much we trully love them.

If the relationship is based on lies, can you also lie about loving him/her?

How much lies can you hear? bear? to what certain extend?

Does lying solve the problem of protecting her from the truth?  Are you assuming wht she was thinking- and that you choose to lie?

Have you ever think that your burden and past experiences makes her wanting to be more aware and careful? As you were/are the biggest liar and you never change…..

Sometimes negative words from a friend can hurt. They can cut through the heart like a knife. Words that weren’t intended to be taking out of context sometimes do and when this happens we seek revenge and try to hurt that person also..You know, the tongue is mightier than the sword. Kind words can build up a person, make there day and raise esteem. Harsh words can create wrath in an instant.

A friend once said something to me that I took the wrong way. It was a remark just out of conversation that left me feeling inadequate and insignificant; it destroyed my self esteem. I felt the need to retaliate against him and get revenge by saying something to him that I hoped would make him feel two feet tall.

Looking back, it was well over a year before I talked to my friend again. I avoided him. Holding this grudge this long, every day was a victory for me because of the pain he caused me by his remark— I would not give in. Was I over reacted, I guess, I don’t believe in letting anyone putting me down that way.

Yesterday, he sent me a text, and the “grudge” was over in an instant. I was relieved and the world seemed a little lighter.
Holding a grudge was never easy for me. I never thought I could. I realized how overwhelmingly guilty I felt when I am missing the little tidbits of humor we used to shared.

I wanna let him know now that I have forgiven him. And I am feeling sorry as I remember the guilt I felt as I tried to expire him from my life….

Few days back I was at Genting. Now I’m sitting in my room, suffering from allergies..well, I shall not talk about it…

Anyways, back to  Genting. It was a pleasant trip and I was very happy about it. I was surrounded by many beautiful people, in a beautiful place to celebrate Christmas.
Christmas always remind me on how time flies, Now is the time in my life where I get to do a lot of reflections. It’s not the easiest thing to do.

I came across this question, not along ago. The question remains however, am I just showing different facets of myself, or is there no unity to the self?
Is there one true self, who you really are?  I would say no.  Do you have a soul? I would say yes. 

He asked. How can these ideas coexist?

To me, there is no one true self, there is no way that you will be, that you ought to be in the sense that if you don’t become that person you have betrayed your true nature.  While I do think it is possible that you may not have lived up to some kind of potential that exists in each of us, there is no preset amount of “greatness” that you could have accomplished.  Instead you have a soul, a part of the universe that is uniquely you, but what that soul is to become is up to you.  It is constructed by you and co-constructed by your environment, your peers….rite?

Oh well, it’s just me babbling here..it’s my blog after all Here are some pix Mikey took during our trip in Genting.

This is the room where it all began…

Hungreyyy

We were late for dinner

It was really cold out there

Me and Yanzerism

Strike a pose!

Gregg shaking it!

To the Countdown

One big happy family

Paris de Genting

MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!! HUGS AND KISSES FROM ME!

 

 

 

 

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There is life after break up - a very good life. Stay optimistic and be good to yourself!

You can let go. You can move on

Seriously I hate it when people tried to act smart. I hate it when I have to work with incompetent people like *you*. I don’t understand how some people came out with a stupid question to prove that they are a certified moron. Yes - *YOU*

If you can’t deliver what you are supposed to, then don’t shout out loud in the first place. If you want to take over my position, show me that you are capable to earn that respect.

Don’t blame my team because we are not trained to work with morons. When *you* blame and point to others, remember three fingers are pointing back at you. Move on, make a level decision and stop blaming others.